January 3, 2014
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Bella’s big toes are becoming a major problem.

We are now on the fourth infection in a row.

It looks as if she may need to have a very painful procedure done in which her big toe toenails are permanently redirected.

For Bella, as always, it will be a bit more complicated – most likely requiring her to remain in the hospital overnight in order to safeguard her from infection. Not to mention, since pain meds will most likely be needed for her, it will be important to closely regulate these as many types of pain meds cause stress to the heart and Bella cannot afford for this to happen. Her kid heart already works unbelievably and abnormally hard to support an adult kidney.

And. of course, there is the recovery. Days on end of not walking. Again.

So, can I just vent here for a minute?

I am pissed.
That is just the simple truth of it.
Why can’t it just be my toes instead?

Why can I not drink some potion from a glorious little crystal, Disney designed locket and take this on for her?!?

Martin and I both just get teary-eyed as we wonder why on earth our daughter has to endure so much.
And there has just been no reprieve. It just keeps coming.
I am not even capable of hoping that an end will be in sight.

And yet.

I am her mom. And I am a woman of faith.
I am capable of holding this for my Bella, knowing that my God holds me.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers as we gather information and make arrangements for Bella’s procedure.